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Author Topic: Cheesiest Animal: The tiger or the wolf?  (Read 2302 times)
Blasphemer
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« on: January 28, 2009, 08:41:11 pm »

<img src="http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t123/forcetheedges/original%20graphics/Cheesy.jpg">

When we consider how certain animals are portrayed by humans and what they signify in our culture, it doesn't get much cheesier than tigers and wolves.  Many have sought to invoke the admirable traits of these animals, and to emulate their strength, agility, and ferocity, or inspire others to do so.  However, such metaphors usually fall flat, hence the persistent cheese factor I am speaking of.

If anyone ever tells you to be like a tiger or a wolf in some way, that person is most likely:

1.  A coach who watches too many movies.
2.  A self-help guru.
3.  A motivational speaker.
4.  A kung-fu master from some 80's movie.
5.  Full of shit.
6.  Some of the above.

It's hard to ignore the accumulated mass of cheesiness that is forever attached to the once-good name of tigers and wolves.  But you have to admit it's really their own fault for being such noble creatures.  The question is, which animal is cheesier than the other?  Here are some examples to get you started.  Feel free to provide more.

<u>The Case For Tiger Cheesiness:</u>

- Frosted Flakes mascot Tony the Tiger
- Teen magazine Tigerbeat
- 80's glam band Tigertailz
- The song "Eye of the Tiger"
- The moves "Tiger" and "Tiger Uppercut" in Street Fighter 2
- The practice of saying "Hey, Tiger" to a child
- The phrase "Go get 'em, Tiger"
- That shitty poem "Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright"

<u>The Case For Wolf Cheesiness:</u>

- The whole idea of werewolves
- The song "Werewolves of London"
- The song "Hungry like the Wolf"
- The song "She-Wolf" (by Megadeth)
- The song "Bark at the Moon" and the way Ozzy looked back then
- The movie Teenwolf
- The character Sabrewolf in Killer Instinct
- The show Airwolf
- CNN Reporter Wolf Blitzer
- Those shirts with a big picture of a wolf that covers the whole front of the shirt

Based on this unbiased analysis I just performed, where I basically just listed all the examples I could think of off the top of my head, I think the evidence clearly favors wolf cheesiness over tiger cheesiness by a ratio of 10 to 8.  My personal gut instinct was that tigers are cheesier, but the data doesn't lie.  So if you ever happen to be attacked by wolves, keep in mind that you're being eaten by the cheesiest animal ever, and that dying in such a way is both a tired cliche and a substandard plot device, and shouldn't be taken seriously at all.

* One final note:  Since this debate began, many scientists have come forward claiming that the cheesiest animal is technically the Bolivian cheese frog of central New Mexico, but I think they're being way too literal.

<img src="http://i159.photobucket.com/albums/t123/forcetheedges/original%20graphics/Cheesefrog.jpg">
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Wayfaerer
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« Reply #1 on: April 08, 2009, 04:31:15 pm »

You can't rule out Cheetahs though...remember Chester the Cheetah from Cheetos?  That guy was cheesy!
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